The Journey

There was a moment in time not long ago, that I had two very little girls who needed me so desperately.  My world and actions were at their beckon call.  How is it now I'm only needed at times of convenience?  I get it and yet it still hurts me to the core.  Feeling lost at times with what I should be doing.  

A few weeks ago while I was waiting for my younger daughter to get out of school, I noticed this unfamiliar girl walking towards me. As she got closer to the car I was shocked to see it was actually my daughter!  How could I have not recognized this girl who I carried for nine months and attended to every need without hesitation standing right in front of me?  Is it my denial or me digging my heels into to earth so deeply - not wanting to believe that this child, my baby, is growing up?

Slow down time and allow me to take this all in.  My older daughter who is at times more mature then me, has become this young lady who I admire so deeply.  And at every chance I get I hold her close and beg her not to push me away.  Taking in those small moments of time that she allows me to have with her - with just being present, not wanting more, but just cherishing now.

I too have been struggling to succumb to the fears of growing older.  The irony is that they are rushing to grow up and I'm begging for time to slow down.  How can it be that I am on this steady climb to the age of 50?  I feel like I'm in my early thirties.  If I can close my ears tightly to all the banter around me about age and just feel the age I am; well life would be good.  You are as old as you feel right?

So, here we are all three of us in different stages of life's journey.  My youngest is on the verge of becoming a teen, my oldest stepping into her final year of high school, and me - grappling with the fact that we all do age.  

This journey of here and now is all we have.  Although at times I dig my heels in and resist all that is happening around me, there comes a time to just surrender.  So, I'm surrendering to beauty of life - the natural flow of what comes next and feeling incredibly grateful to just be here and now.