Sometimes You Lose Yourself In Them.
I'm still right there with you, but have learned to honor your independence from me.
Just a week ago I dropped my girl off to college. I'm ok. I've taken full advantage of every stage with her; from holding her as much as possible when she was a baby (I did not put her down, no lie), kissing her a 100x's a day (truth) and all those boo-boos that were there and made up, to holding her hand when she needed me through pre-school, sitting on the couch to cuddle and watch every Disney movie she loved, to reading books to her at bedtime, to watching her cheer at every game, to watching her fall in love for the first time, to rubbing her back when she just needed some extra love, to most recently "fully" watching a movie that she loved even though it was not something that I would normally enjoy, I loved it by the way it turns out, and to NOW... I'm on stand-by. I'm standing by for when she needs me, because although we are apart, my love for her has no separation.
She made it!
Home for the next five years.
Maybe this is a sign of future studies in Italy.
I'm an observer and I've noticed lately that when one person loves another so deeply the lines between them become blurred.
In hindsight my mothering through the years has changed accordingly. In the very beginning my life ceased to exist except for my role as mother. I'm sure plenty of mothers can relate to this. Through the years I've slowly found my way back to myself; practicing yoga, taking time to be with friends (I'm still working on this), and just taking moments to myself. Getting back to myself was something I had to do because THEY were ready for it. I've learned to go with the flow of life's ever-changing progression of growth; them growing up and me growing older.
Yoga has taught me that when we fight the natural rhythm of life, we fight peace within our hearts.
I know the bond with both my girls is eternal and stronger than any space between us. Instead of feeling sad I'm choosing to feel proud to be a mother to a girl who has earned every bit of independence along the way to lead her to this shinning moment. I believe the biggest gift you can give a child is independence. Give them trust and they'll give you respect - leading to that independence. Independence to make their own way in the world and figure things out on by making a mistake every once in awhile.
I tell her all the time, because of my hard journey, I have granted her a toolbox of coping skills; skills to live life when things get tough.
And do you know what? She is going to be more than alright. She is going to spread her wings and fly.