Still Mourning

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And I will light a candle for you
To shatter all the darkness and bless the time we knew
Like a beacon in the night
The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way
Oh today I light a candle for you.
— Paul Alexander, "Light A Candle,"

I awoke this morning on the anniversary of my mother’s death with a heart filled with gratitude. 

I took off a few days of social media to feel all the feels and not run from them. I spoke honestly to my students about this and how the practice of brahmacharya (moderation) needed to take place. As humans we tend to fill the void with something or another and I totally get it. 

I’ve also learned from hard experience if you push that emotional pain aside for too long it builds in you like a pressure cooker. 

So for the past few days, I felt the anger show itself with at one point me throwing things, I felt it in my projection of pain towards my children with me not meaning what I say, but spewing out how I felt within my body, and I felt it in my bones physically aching...

I FELT through witnessing and honoring.

When you’re able to witness and clearly see how you’re behaving (svadyaya *self-study) then you’re better capable at pulling out your yoga toolbox.

I practiced-

Breathing deeply with ocean breath (pranayama)

Brahmacharya (moderation)

Yoga Nidra (meditation)

Crying (saucha *purification)

Napping (ahimsa)

Surrendering to God and reading spiritual books (Ishvara pranidhana)

Yoga is a daily practice and not about a life lived in perfection, but a life lived honestly.

I want to thank you all, who I felt the love from...you’re carrying me through ️.

Namaste my loves and do the work.

Some of my beautiful students.

Some of my beautiful students.

Jennifer Hagerman2 Comments